Friday, December 16, 2016

He woke up at 5:30 hoping to get to the river before all the annoying other people could ruin the peace and quiet. “Stupid mayor, stupid water, stupid victorian.” He muttered while slamming the snooze button on his alarm. Unfortunately, due to the repetitive abuse the snooze button received, it was often unresponsive. Boaz continued to hit buttons until the beeping finally stopped.
“It used to be easy.” He thought. He could wake up at a reasonable hour, like 8. He would walk to the grocery store, grab a poptart and coke and continue onto the river for some peaceful fishing with noone to bother him. Unfortunately, with everything that was happening, peace and quiet was a rare thing to find these days.
He walked to the river at 5:49, still rubbing the sleep out of his eyes. While scaring a few scarcely feathered geese away Boaz noticed 4 people spread around the river, some doing their laundry and some trying to feed the geese. It wasn’t even 6 in the morning yet and these people were already making too much noise.
Boaz cast his line out, hoping to find a fish still alive after everyone had contaminated the water with bleach and laundry detergent. A huge flock of geese dove down around me, probably trying to grab the bait off of my line. They all attacked my line and rod and we began a game of tug of war. I wasn’t going to let go of my rod, and the geese were pretty stubborn too. We went on for so long and the poptart for breakfast hadn't given me much energy. They pulled me in and then attacked me. Even though I love to fish, I don't know how to swim… oops.
I woke up drenched and cold on the muddy side of the river. Wonder who saved my life. Maybe it was a pretty girl, wait nevermind that's embarrassing. Guess i'll go home now.

Monday, December 12, 2016

Hey guys. Sorry i'm late. I'm usually late and I never really have a good reason as to why; laziness? I don't really know but i'm here now so let's get started.
Everyone is running around freaking out about the water situation. Amazon Prime is arguably one of the greatest inventions, ever. Forget sliced bread, Amazon Prime has everything and all of that stuff comes in two days. Everyones jumping in the lakes to shower and fighting over the little water left. I just sat down, hopped on my laptop and added leave in conditioner, 200 jumbo pack of bottled water, axe body spray and freshngo toothbrush with built in toothpaste. It did take two days but fortunately there was enough water left for me to ease my thirst and keep my un-showered body odor at bay. Unfortunately, this water crisis has impacted my food source. With all of these sweaty dirty people jumping in the pond and river, I have limited space to fish. I cast out in the pond yesterday and immediately felt a tug, I yanked and cranked and pulled until I heard a high pitched screech. Instead of a fish, like I was hoping, I had hooked Mr. Baker Shefield's arm along with what seemed to be a crusty old wig. I immediately cut the line and went home.
This idiot mayor, leaving right before things got bad, glad he was our "leader". I don't have very much food and now I have very little to do to occupy my days. My anger is suddenly overcome with butterflies in my stomach as I see Cecelia Fisher walk out of the Victorian. Every other tenant I couldn't care less about, but Cecelia, so beautiful. Who care's if i've never spoken a word to her in my life, she's breathtakingly stunning. I cant stop staring and as I walk towards the Victorian I am suddenly interrupted by my fishing pole hitting the door with a loud snap. Cecelia turns around and giggles, walking away. Real smooth Boaz.